Burn of the Day - Size does Matter if it's Measured Wrong

The Scenario:
The Victim is most likely male, and likes to show off his 'special friend' down under.

Victim: Hey, you know, I'm 12 inches long down there!
Burnmasta: You don't start measuring from the belly button. or Did you start measuring from the belly button?

SIZZLE.

Burn of the Day - Turn that Burn Upside Down

The Scenario:
For no apparent reason whatsoever, the Victim feels like 'insulting' the Burnmasta. Grave consequences ensure.

Victim: Shut up fat/stupid/ugly kid!
Burnmasta: Why are you talking to yourself? or Stop talking to yourself!

SIZZLE.

Burn of the Day - Sucking Up

The Scenario:
The Victim is sucking up to someone. The Burnmasta comes up.

Burnmasta: Should I get you a pacifier?
Victim: What - why?
Burnmasta: For you to suck up on.

SIZZLE.

Burn of the Day - Clear Opportunities

The Scenario:
You are writing something. The victim decides to comment on it.

Victim: You have messy handwriting.
Burnmasta: Psh. Messy handwriting is for smart people.

No comment from Victim. Wait for five seconds.

Burnmasta: You have quite neat handwriting.

SIZZLE.

Burn of the Day - Retaliation

The Scenario:
Remember this burn?

"Burnmasta: Hey beautiful.
Victim: Hey-
Burnmasta: Gorgeous is back."

Well, the victim retaliated. Here's a suggested double dose.


Victim: I still will never get that!
Burnmasta: It's been proven that my beauty can numb those too awestruck to respond.

SIZZLE.

Burn of the Day - Not Happy

The Scenario:

The victim is a happy-go-lucky person. You, are not.

Victim: I'm happy you're here!
Burnmasta: The feeling is not mutual.

Sizzle.