The Scenario:
The Victim is most likely male, and likes to show off his 'special friend' down under.
Victim: Hey, you know, I'm 12 inches long down there!
Burnmasta: You don't start measuring from the belly button. or Did you start measuring from the belly button?
SIZZLE.
Burn of the Day - Turn that Burn Upside Down
The Scenario:
For no apparent reason whatsoever, the Victim feels like 'insulting' the Burnmasta. Grave consequences ensure.
Victim: Shut up fat/stupid/ugly kid!
Burnmasta: Why are you talking to yourself? or Stop talking to yourself!
SIZZLE.
For no apparent reason whatsoever, the Victim feels like 'insulting' the Burnmasta. Grave consequences ensure.
Victim: Shut up fat/stupid/ugly kid!
Burnmasta: Why are you talking to yourself? or Stop talking to yourself!
SIZZLE.
Burn of the Day - Sucking Up
The Scenario:
The Victim is sucking up to someone. The Burnmasta comes up.
Burnmasta: Should I get you a pacifier?
Victim: What - why?
Burnmasta: For you to suck up on.
SIZZLE.
The Victim is sucking up to someone. The Burnmasta comes up.
Burnmasta: Should I get you a pacifier?
Victim: What - why?
Burnmasta: For you to suck up on.
SIZZLE.
Burn of the Day - Clear Opportunities
The Scenario:
You are writing something. The victim decides to comment on it.
Victim: You have messy handwriting.
Burnmasta: Psh. Messy handwriting is for smart people.
No comment from Victim. Wait for five seconds.
Burnmasta: You have quite neat handwriting.
SIZZLE.
You are writing something. The victim decides to comment on it.
Victim: You have messy handwriting.
Burnmasta: Psh. Messy handwriting is for smart people.
No comment from Victim. Wait for five seconds.
Burnmasta: You have quite neat handwriting.
SIZZLE.
Burn of the Day - Retaliation
The Scenario:
Remember this burn?
"Burnmasta: Hey beautiful.
Victim: Hey-
Burnmasta: Gorgeous is back."
Well, the victim retaliated. Here's a suggested double dose.
Victim: I still will never get that!
Burnmasta: It's been proven that my beauty can numb those too awestruck to respond.
SIZZLE.
Remember this burn?
"Burnmasta: Hey beautiful.
Victim: Hey-
Burnmasta: Gorgeous is back."
Well, the victim retaliated. Here's a suggested double dose.
Victim: I still will never get that!
Burnmasta: It's been proven that my beauty can numb those too awestruck to respond.
SIZZLE.
Burn of the Day - Not Happy
The Scenario:
The victim is a happy-go-lucky person. You, are not.
Victim: I'm happy you're here!
Burnmasta: The feeling is not mutual.
Sizzle.
The victim is a happy-go-lucky person. You, are not.
Victim: I'm happy you're here!
Burnmasta: The feeling is not mutual.
Sizzle.
Burn of the Day - Change of Looks
The Scenario:
You have just had a haircut which makes you look somewhat different from the image people (namely the victim) are used to. This can be adapted for other similar changes of looks, like change of style or getting a facial. Something like that.
Victim: You got a haircut...
Burnmasta: I didn't think it was humanly possible, but I look even hotter than I did already after getting the haircut.
SIZZLE.
Note: this is best used on a friendly person.
You have just had a haircut which makes you look somewhat different from the image people (namely the victim) are used to. This can be adapted for other similar changes of looks, like change of style or getting a facial. Something like that.
Victim: You got a haircut...
Burnmasta: I didn't think it was humanly possible, but I look even hotter than I did already after getting the haircut.
SIZZLE.
Note: this is best used on a friendly person.
Burn of the Day - Thoughts
This burn is adapted from the one and only Chuck Bass of Gossip Girl. I don't actually watch it, but I do love how cocky he is.
The Scenario:
The victim thinks they are actually important enough to even enter the thoughts of the burnmasta.
Victim: You probably think I'm [boring/cool/any adjective].
Burnmasta: I don't think of you.
SIZZLE.
"I am Chuck Bass." - Chuck Bass
The Scenario:
The victim thinks they are actually important enough to even enter the thoughts of the burnmasta.
Victim: You probably think I'm [boring/cool/any adjective].
Burnmasta: I don't think of you.
SIZZLE.
"I am Chuck Bass." - Chuck Bass
Foreign Burns
This is on burns found online. These two came from two YouTube videos (where the 'burns' are typically very bad).
This one was from a video of Justin Bieber's "Eenie Meenie" song:
And another on an Avenged Sevenfold video (Bat Country, I think):
SIZZLE x2.
Note: I don't actually mind Justin Bieber. I simply find these burns funny.
This one was from a video of Justin Bieber's "Eenie Meenie" song:
And another on an Avenged Sevenfold video (Bat Country, I think):
SIZZLE x2.
Note: I don't actually mind Justin Bieber. I simply find these burns funny.
Burn of the Day - Utter Cockiness
You can use this on your friends for a laugh or your nemeses to make them hate you more. Either way works.
The Scenario:
The victim is sitting alone or with his/her friends. You come by to say hi.
Burnmasta: Hey beautiful.
Victim: Hey-
Burnmasta: Gorgeous is back.
SIZZLE.
The Scenario:
The victim is sitting alone or with his/her friends. You come by to say hi.
Burnmasta: Hey beautiful.
Victim: Hey-
Burnmasta: Gorgeous is back.
SIZZLE.
Burn of the Day - Makeup
The Scenario:
At a prom or something where girls wear makeup.
Victim: [In an arrogant manner] Like my makeup? Looks like a professional did it, doesn't it?
Burnmasta: No.
Victim [oblivious to what is coming, still arrogant]: Then why were you staring at my face for so long?
Burmasta: I was contemplating whether to sue whoever did your makeup.
SIZZLE.
At a prom or something where girls wear makeup.
Victim: [In an arrogant manner] Like my makeup? Looks like a professional did it, doesn't it?
Burnmasta: No.
Victim [oblivious to what is coming, still arrogant]: Then why were you staring at my face for so long?
Burmasta: I was contemplating whether to sue whoever did your makeup.
SIZZLE.
Burn of the Day - Attempts at Devaluing the Burnmasta
The Scenario:
This was said in reaction to the burn previously posted only a few minutes ago.
Victim: When are you going to realise that you are actually equal to everybody else?
Burnmasta: The day the Sun dies.
SIZZLE.
This was said in reaction to the burn previously posted only a few minutes ago.
Victim: When are you going to realise that you are actually equal to everybody else?
Burnmasta: The day the Sun dies.
SIZZLE.
Burn of the Day - Intended Arrogance
The Scenario:
The Burnmasta is doing something considered 'unusual' by lesser beings (such as writing in the burn blog), and the victim comments on it.
Victim: You're unbelievable/This is ridiculous.
Burnmasta: I know, unbelievably/ridiculously hot.
SIZZLE.
The Burnmasta is doing something considered 'unusual' by lesser beings (such as writing in the burn blog), and the victim comments on it.
Victim: You're unbelievable/This is ridiculous.
Burnmasta: I know, unbelievably/ridiculously hot.
SIZZLE.
Burn of the Day - Attention
The Scenario:
The burnmasta is chatting with someone. Victim overhears his/her name.
Victim: I'm sorry, did I hear my name?
Burnmasta: Do you really think you're that important to hear your name mentioned all the time. [Turn around]
SIZZLE.
The burnmasta is chatting with someone. Victim overhears his/her name.
Victim: I'm sorry, did I hear my name?
Burnmasta: Do you really think you're that important to hear your name mentioned all the time. [Turn around]
SIZZLE.
Burn of the Day - Age
The Scenario
Someone is taking ages to do something.
The Victim: Eurgh! I'm going to be 106 years old before I finish this!
Burnmasta: You're already 105.
SIZZLE
Someone is taking ages to do something.
The Victim: Eurgh! I'm going to be 106 years old before I finish this!
Burnmasta: You're already 105.
SIZZLE
Burn of the Day - Clothing
The Scenerio:
The burnmasta is wearing something absolutely ridiculous, whether he/she is aware of it or not. The victim comes along.
Victim: You look like such a [whatever weak 'burn' they make]. Will you just please take it off?
Burnmasta: Oh, what, my brilliance? Sorry, can't do that.
SIZZLE.
The burnmasta is wearing something absolutely ridiculous, whether he/she is aware of it or not. The victim comes along.
Victim: You look like such a [whatever weak 'burn' they make]. Will you just please take it off?
Burnmasta: Oh, what, my brilliance? Sorry, can't do that.
SIZZLE.
Burn of the Day - 14/03/10
The Scenario:
You simply want to annoy this person, regardless of whether he/she has actually done anything to you.
Victim: Oh my God!
Burn masta: Please, I'd rather you didn't use my name in vain.
SIZZLE
Note: credits go to pal.
You simply want to annoy this person, regardless of whether he/she has actually done anything to you.
Victim: Oh my God!
Burn masta: Please, I'd rather you didn't use my name in vain.
SIZZLE
Note: credits go to pal.
Another Burn of the Day - 07/03/10
The Scenario:
Someone really annoying thinks he/she is smart. Well, this proves they aren't.
Bystander: I agree with you [or something along those lines].
Victim [to bystander]: Yeah! Great minds think alike!
NOTE: The victim can be burned in two ways.
Alternative 1:
Burnmasta: But you aren't thinking like me.
SIZZLE
Alternative 2:
Burnmasta: But this great mind isn't thinking like yours.
SIZZLE
Someone really annoying thinks he/she is smart. Well, this proves they aren't.
Bystander: I agree with you [or something along those lines].
Victim [to bystander]: Yeah! Great minds think alike!
NOTE: The victim can be burned in two ways.
Alternative 1:
Burnmasta: But you aren't thinking like me.
SIZZLE
Alternative 2:
Burnmasta: But this great mind isn't thinking like yours.
SIZZLE
Burn of the Day - 07/03/10
The Scenario:
Someone forgot something. Yeah, that's about it. WARNING: this could create enemies.
(Preferably male) Victim: Damn, I forgot!
Burn masta: Oh, forgot you had balls?
Victim: speechless
Burn masta: No wonder it didn't hurt the other day when I kicked you while you weren't looking...
SIZZLE
Someone forgot something. Yeah, that's about it. WARNING: this could create enemies.
(Preferably male) Victim: Damn, I forgot!
Burn masta: Oh, forgot you had balls?
Victim: speechless
Burn masta: No wonder it didn't hurt the other day when I kicked you while you weren't looking...
SIZZLE
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